Judgement.

How could you sleep with another woman’s man?

How could you chance breaking up a family?

How could you betray a fellow female in such a way?

Don’t you have any compassion?

Do you lack self esteem, dignity?

Where’s your conscience?

These are the questions I read daily, asked by the cheated wife to the other woman. Theoretically of course through blogs, diary entries, biographies, in newspaper columns, magazines, in movies, on TV….

Why do people automatically assume the other woman is a whore, a man-eater, a home wrecker?

How about the husband who was just as liable for the affair; the man who happily fucked someone other than his wife? What about him? Doesn’t he deserve to face shame the same way that the other woman does?

He chose to embark on a second relationship, he wasn’t forced or blackmailed.

He wanted the affair, he wanted to be physically connected to someone other than his wife.

An affair takes two willing people; not just one.

Out of Hours.

Laying in bed my phone pings at midnight.

‘Send me a pic’ it reads.

I ignore it.

1.30am I hear another ping…

‘Make me horny’ it begs.

I ignore both messages from him & go back to sleep.

He’d promised he’d message me today but I was hoping for a little conversation, chit chat.

It’s seems however that he’d waited for the last minute of that day to message.

I wasn’t in the mood to satisfy and I knew this would frustrate him but I wanted him to learn that I cannot always be on standby waiting for him to get a chance to communicate with me.

I needed to teach myself that he wasn’t my whole life; that it was ok not to always respond to him.

I messaged him the following evening.

‘I’m at home with my wife’ he responded via text.

Family Matters.

Today is Boxing Day; I’ve spent it with my family.

It was a wonderful day; it really was but in the back of my mind there is always an underlying thought of:

‘Will he contact me?’ ‘Will I hear from him today?’ ‘I wonder if he’s thought about me at all?’

That’s the thing about an affair you are ALWAYS left wondering.

Now I would imagine he’s been with his family, opening presents, eating too much, drinking plenty but still I hope he’s thought about me, I hope he’s had the sexual urges cross his mind, I hope he’s been thinking about all the things he wants to do to my body.

I hope, I hope, I hope.

I know many of you especially those betrayed by a loved one will think of me as cold and callous and I will speak about my thoughts and feelings about this but not right now, not today.

There are many things about the affair that I am yet to disclose but I will in time reveal my whole story.

For now I’ll wait to hear from him once the holiday season is over.

Don’t.

“I wish we lived closer to each other” I sighed.

He looked at me sharply from across the hotel room.

“Don’t” he scolded. “We live completely different lives; it’s better like this”

“Now come over here like a good girl” he patted his knee. “I want to watch as you inhale [the drugs]”

I smile, walk towards him.

As he grips my hips I feel a bolt of pleasure and an aching need to be close to him.

“You’re such a good girl” he whispers.

I had a flight booked the following morning, early hours about 6am.

As I got dressed I caught his reflection in the mirror, the same mirror we fucked in front of only hours before…

He’s smiling and I hope he’d tell me I’m beautiful, beautiful standing there in my underwear.

“I wish you could stay longer so I could fuck you when I wake up” Was what he said instead; always was such a romantic.

I walked over to the bed where he lay; kissed him “I’ll miss you”.

“Don’t be so silly” he frowned.